No longer a slave to fear

No longer slaves by Jonathan david & Melissa Helser

VERSE 1

You unravel me, with a melody
You surround me with a song
Of deliverance, from my enemies
Till all my fears are gone

CHORUS

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God

VERSE 2

From my Mothers womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again, into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

INTERLUDE

             

BRIDGE

You split the sea, so I could walk right through it
All my fears were drowned in perfect love
You rescued me, so I could stand and sing
I am a child of God

This has definitely been my song of the year for 2015.

Please download it and skim through the lyrics.

It truly is a privilege to serve Jesus guys. Like no jokes.
Daily, I am reminded of his awesomeness and faithfulness.

I remember the day this song by Jonathan David first struck me. It was a regular sunday afternoon. At the time, I was moved merely by the sonorous voice and beautiful melody. Later that week, my sister downloaded the mp3 on her phone and encouraged me to do so as well. I trust her taste in music (most times) so I gave it a shot.
My life wasn’t the same after that.

There’s this feeling of confidence the lyrics give to me. I’m not sure I can put words to it but it’s so strong.
I feel like I’m unstoppable. Like there’s nothing my God can’t deliver me from.

I look at every tough situation like ‘but will this kill me?’ ‘Am I the first to go through this?’ ‘Is this too difficult for the King of all Kings to handle?’ ‘If God is on my side, how can this not end well?’

God’s word (which we should all meditate on day and night) tells us that all things will work together for good for those that love thee. Why then are you worried when life gets tough?

Can’t you see the devil is trying to steal your joy? I mean, it’s obvious. He’s jealous that Jehovah Jaireh settled your woes before they even sprung up.

I know sometimes it feels like you’re losing. Like you’re falling off the grid and failure is eminent. Trust me, it’s a misconception planted by the devil. The more you feed into that frustration, the weaker you are.

My darlings stand firm! In the face of confusion, in the midst of tribulations, in the center of calamity, declare “I am no longer a slave to fear! I am a child of God!”

It is well.

I leave you with these:
Matthew 6:26- New Living Translation
Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?

Matthew 6:30 – Holman Christian Standard Bible
If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you–you of little faith?

2 Timothy 1:7 – English Standard Version
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

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2014

Wrote this last year but never posted it. Guess I felt it was too personal. But heck, I’d like to read this in 5 years and smile. So here goes:

A Lot has happened this year. And even though it feels like we all say this every year, I’m gonna say it anyway- boy, did the year fly by or what?! 
2014 was really an eye-opener for me. It was filled with so many first experiences that quite frankly ‘I never experred’. 

It literally feels like just few months ago that I was studying for my final exams back in Uni. In reality that was 11 whole months back yo!

The exams came and went. Then I got my supposedly dream job at a certain magazine that turned out to be not so dreamy afterall. It wasn’t horrible or anything, it just got really boring and really really really monotonous. 

My graduation and birthday came up next. That week was a rather sad one for me in more ways than one. To start with, my phone freaking got stolen on graduation day!
I mean it’s bad enough that bloody school chooses to torment graduants by making it so Damn hard to move around the university’s premises on graduation day, but to arrive at the ceremony looking like struggle and then be stopped at the entrance for being late is the height. You should have seen the crowd that day. I wanted to disappear for real. My makeup was all smeared, my weave had gone limp. My feet were killing me from standing in 7-inch stilettos for so long. 
Our parents and other graduating students were inside the hall but some sicko gave an instruction that the gates should remain shut till the ceremony got halfway or so.
Like I wasn’t already stressed beyond my limit, they just had to steal my phone right from inside my purse. The crowd was so tight that I didn’t even notice till they eventually opened the gate and I dashed to the bathroom to freshen up. Weak is an understatement for what I felt at that moment. Thankfully after several bucktefuls of tears, I was finally able to get over myself and focus on the real reason I needed to be sad- my graduating results. 

There’s very few people who can truly understand the manner of heartbreak I felt looking at the graduation list and seeing my name in the 2nd class lower category. Not that I disregard the efforts of all the other students who graduated with a 2.2 but yooooo, I worked too hard for that. Everyone who knew me back in uni was equally as astounded to find out that all I had to show for being such a good student was a mediocre 2nd class lower grade. 
I was miserable to say the least. I felt like a failure, a disgrace, a disappointment! My mother had so much faith in me and I let her down. My dreams of multiple job offers to top accounting firms were down the toilet. Even getting admission to a top university for a master’s degree begun to look bleak. 
It was a really tough battle for me but I’m grateful that God in his ever gracious way, got me to move past it. 
After several days of tears and reflection, with encouragement from a close classmate of mine I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unilag had won the battle but not the war. I had life therefore there was still hope. I have always been someone with a fighting spirit; I usually just refuse to simply accept rejection or failure. But the 2.2 thing was beyond me. I felt helpess because I constantly felt the need to explain myself but there was no one to explain to. How many people would I tell how I was cheated out of my rightful grades in more than one instance? How would I start telling people how dubious and corrupt my faculty was without looking like I was simply giving excuses?
After all one of my very close friends also graduated from the same faculty at the top of her class with a very high 2.1.
Anyway by nothing else but simply the grace of God, I moved on. I gained my confidence back and was able to pour my new found energy into my business and my job. I would have never thought that I would graduate with a 2.2 but that I got over it so soon is even more shocking. Constantly communing with The most high sure is therapeutic and boy am I grateful for the privilege to serve such an awesome God. 

NYSC came and I was thrown into another new experience as a result of yet another disappointment. After years of my mom assuring me that she would make sure I got posted to lagos for nysc, it was really difficult to grasp when I was told I got some dead north-central state.
I remember that morning so vividly like it was yesterday. I was at work and I saw bbm statuses of people ranting about where they got posted. I asked one of my ex-classmates who said he was around Unilag to check for me and he replied that I got that dead state. I was distraught! 
I don’t even know where begin to summarize my experience at the 3 weeks orientation camp. There were so many new/strange experiences. I remember how my heart was pounding as we drove into the camp ground on the first day. I saw soldiers telling corpers to do frog jumps with their luggage placed on their heads and I became numb.
My mom was talking to me and I couldn’t even respond. I was legit shaking. I didn’t even know if it was the air conditioning or the fear of what would become of me in 3 weeks. My friends and family generally think I’m a drama queen so there was no one at that moment that understood how I felt. 
I’m not sure exactly what I was scared of but I was terrified. I felt like Yikpata camp would be the end of me, to be honest.
It turned out to be much more bearable than I envisaged thanks to my ‘health impairment’. I met quite a number of interesting people though I didn’t meet any that I’d like to keep in my life. Their different cultures and backgrounds taught me a lot that I wouldn’t forget anytime soon. 
At the end of the camp, my redeployment to lagos was still uncertain. My mom and I didn’t relent in our efforts though. On a daily basis we were calling different people, sending my nysc details to any and everyone. I was confident that the end would be favourable even if I had to stay in the state.
You know that feeling of relaxation when you’ve prayed and Jesus assures you that he’s taking care of things? I was too relaxed. 
I had already begun my new job in Lagos about almost 3 weeks after camp when my redeployment finally fell through. 
It was while I was on the road the state to sort it out that I encountered a manifestation of God’s awesomeness. It was about 8pm, it was raining and we were still on the outskirts of the city with nothing but forests to our left and right when the car suddenly stopped. The driver said something about the rain affecting something and us needing jumper cables from another car. That was obviously not happening as not one single car could dare to stop in that torrential downpour. I closed my eyes and literally wept as I recited psalm 23 a number of times. I prayed and told God that if the engine should start I would testify as soon as I got back to Lagos. Before I could even say amen and open my eyes, the engine started! I was so overwhelmed with joy I started crying again. 

It’s so weird how this year has been filled with so much disappointment, trials and tribulations but still so many testimonies!
I guess it’s true what they say that the sun does shine after the storm. I mean, there would be no reverence of sunshine if the storm never came. 

Since graduation I have received no form of allowance from my parents. I’m always so broke that some months I can’t even afford to hang out with friends even once. Like not even at the movies. Life after uni is just so expensive. When I want to buy certain things and I realize how my account will seriously be affected I get so frustrated. But look at me now, it’s December already, I made it till the end of this Damn year without loosing it!

Just last weekend I had an accident. A bike ran into me as I was crossing the street and knocked me to the ground. It was that day my reflection for year began really. I know people have bike accidents everyday just like people’s phones get stolen daily. But when these things happened to me it had a deeper than surface meaning. I’m naturally a deep thinker and over-analyser though. So that’s probably why. 

All in all, 2014 has been a good year. The bad times have been great lessons for me. I’m a much more stronger person than I was at the beginning of the year. I had too many personality defining experiences that have no doubt enhanced my faith while giving me a strong feeling of self-worth. I know my value now more than I ever have. 

It’s quite unfortunate that I didn’t meet any suitable young man this year but i’m hopeful for 2015. I’m very clear what I want now. Even though I still have to work on being less superficial, I have a feeling i’ll be telling a different relationship tale by this time next year.

I’m thankful for the tribulations of 2014, they challenged me and made me grow up. I’m grateful that things turned out exactly how they did because at the moment I’m quite content. 
I don’t have any worries, my family is great, my friends are the best, work is so much fun. There’s still quite a lot I could ask for right now yeah, but things are good. Really good. I thank God for His faithfulness. 

The God that I Serve

It’s weird that I don’t have a lot of posts about the awesome God that I serve.

Seeing how He’s the reason for everything; the creator of everything; the Almighty!

He is God of all the earth. From generation to generation, He remains the same- He is the ancient of days. The one who was, who is and is still to come.

He’s so amazing that I’m sure I can never fully get over His wondrous works.

Jesus is my Lord. He is my saviour, my deliverer, my teacher, my guide, my light, my everything.

There is no way I could have made it this far without Baba J up there looking out for his girl.

2015 has been a fast year no doubt. So fast, it feels like new years was just weeks ago. I can barely remember the struggles and tribulations of these past 6 months.
You know why? Oh its simple.

The most high God, the one at whose name every knee shall bow and every tongue confess him as Lord, yes Him, He’s been my comforter, my friend, my healer, my counselor.

I remember January. Damn I was so broke!
After all the holiday spending, it was quite a struggle to adjust back to my regular lifestyle. The way I was spending money in December ehn, I wasn’t even thinking tbh.
But did I go hungry? Did I make it through or nah?
You already knowww- my heavenly father didn’t forsake me.

February came. I won’t lie, around Valentines day I began to reevaluate my life and my choices. I began to question myself on my lack of a love life. Trust me there are a few things more depressing than seeing ‘wrong’ being celebrated while ‘right’ is more or less a loser.
I called on Jesus for direction and I know He answered. I asked that he keep me away from unfriendly friends, time-wasters, those who may seem great at the beginning but truly have no good intentions.

March was when I fell ill. Typhoid is the worst fam! You feel like your entire body is betraying you and there ain nothing you can do about it. Everywhere hurt, I could barely stand or even walk. It was baaad.
No concrete explanation for where I could have picked it from was extra annoying.
I was hooked up to an IV at the hospital for about 2 days.
Those were real moments of reflection for me and i’m thankful that I had to go through that.

I’ve had this in my drafts since June but haven’t had time to finish it up. Thought to myself, why don’t I just post it anyway and continue whenever. I mean, I just can’t keep the awesomeness of my Lord saved in my drafts any longer.

Praise Jesus!!!

Happy Sunday lovelies

What do these guys want?!

A Lot of times I read articles by confused guys about how women don’t seem to know what they want when it comes to love and relationships. Now I’m here confused because it seems these niggas also want to eat their cake and have it.

You meet a guy, y’all start talking daily/every other day and because he’s fun-ish to talk to, you’re nice, you’re even cute and flirty sometimes just to keep up with the good conversation.
After a while, the gentleman assumes that because you laugh at his jokes and seem to enjoy his conversations, you are undoubtedly feeling the boy. 
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the girl could actually be feeling the boy hence her cool responses in their convos.
But for people like me who are just so chill- we flow easily with most people and could enjoy good conversations with even a rock, that’s rarely the case.
So when a nigga is so confident that he’s won my heart just cuz we shared a few laughs, Uh-uhn honey… you needta slow downnn!

This brings me to the confusing part.
At the juncture where the guy is knee-deep in feelings for the girl and the girl is as uninterested as one could possibly be, what does the guy expect from the girl abeg?

If she pretends to be oblivious of his feelings and keeps being chill and nice- laughing at his not-so-funny jokes, returning his calls and responding to his messages as she would any regular friend, then later says she has no interest in being more than friends, the guy and all his niggas would shade her for ‘stringing him along’ ‘leading him on’ ‘using him’ ‘wasting his time’. 
E dakun, what would y’all have had her do? 

I’m constantly torn between being a bitch and me being me(cool as shit) just so guys don’t get the wrong idea. It gets really really exhausting you know.
I haaaatteeee seeing those unread message icons on my phone so I try to reply all my messages as soon as I can. But because I’m so desperately tryna get some niggas off my case, I have to stall and give them some ‘attitude’ occasionally. Tbh, I don’t even recommend that approach as an effective method to keep toasters at bay. It sooo doesn’t work. 
Lol @ my use of the word toasters. Who still says that??? Isn’t it chykers we say now? Lol I recently heard they’re also referred to as senators. 

Anywayyyyy, I think guys need to realize that every girl you have feelings for will not automatically have feelings for you also. Thus, expressing sexual/romantic interest in a friend who does not reciprocate, shouldn’t end a friendship. Well except it wasn’t really a friendship. If the sole goal from the start was to take it to the next level and she ain having none of that, perhaps in that case you can retreat and take off.
Buttt, if you meet someone and you two just click, you proceed to form a friendship and along the line you hope for it to grow into something deeper, that’s different. I mean, in this case if the girl doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, you just gotta suck it up and be a good friend nonetheless. I mean, if you’re a good person who truly cares for her, you’d stick around and wish her well with whomever she decides is worthy of her love. Yes, it’ll hurt but you gotta be a man!

Lol okay so I’ve drifted away from my main point- Eyin fellas, how do we girls(who suck at being cold-hearted/ill-mannered/rude bitches) who do not reciprocate your non-platonic interest/feelings/desire but really enjoy/ don’t mind your company as a friend manage to not string you along or lead you on?? 

I mean, after declining dinners/lunches/movie dates and even gifts for months or years, it gets tiring and at some point, a girl just has to give in. 
With all them “Nawa for you o, am I going to poison you?” “It’s rude to turn down gifts shey you know” “Your shakara is too much sef” or even the most annoying- “Are you scared of me?” “You don’t trust me?” “Do you think i’ll rape you or something crazy?” when you refuse to come chill (alone) at theirs. 

Sigh. Being a single lagos girl isn’t easy mehn. So much stress. Its like the only way to win is to find a bae and become unsingle. When my friends ask me why I care so much if a guy hates my guts for curving him, i’m always like ah what if he knows my future bae and attempts to wreck my life just because I once curved him baaadd?
Or what if I run into him in the course of my career or something and our past just makes things awkward and sticky.
I really just prefer being on good terms with everyone I meet really. Like even if we’re not cool anymore I’d like to hear that you spoke well of me and not of evil. 

In truth and in deed

No this is not about the Nigerian presidential elections. *rolls eyes*

So yeah, there’s this part in accounting/auditing ethics where it says that an external auditor shouldn’t just be independent, he should be seen as independent.
For a second after I read that for the first time I was like whaaa?? But then I got it right after.
They mean not only should he carry out his duties independently from the company’s management, it should be obvious to any stakeholder that he’s doing so. Like it should be without question.

I think that principle should apply to many other situations in life. I mean, people constantly claim to be one thing whereas they are seen to be another.

How can you profess love to someone but it doesn’t occur to you to TRY and ease their burdens, make them smile or even brighten their days generally. The key word here is ‘try’ o.
“What if I try but it doesn’t work out?” “What if I don’t have the means?” “What if I make it worse?”

Yeah, all that could happen but the most important thing will be that you tried. Having the intention to do these things and actually making some effort are obviously very different. So please spare me the “Oh but I meant…” typa comments.

Besides love, appreciation is another feeling that people need to start showing a lot more. Someone needs to add ‘appreciation’ right next to love in the hierarchy of needs of people.
Don’t deceive yourself and say that you couldn’t be bothered whether your efforts be it in a marriage, relationship, family, friendship, at work or school are appreciated. You do. We all do.
Quite frankly, I believe there are fewer things more annoying than a person who is ungrateful.
And what people don’t realize is that you can’t just be grateful but somehow ‘forget’ or ‘get too busy’ to show it. Emotions don’t take up time. They’re just instantly felt/shown.
For example if someone does you some huge favour and you’re both talking about it in retrospect, it should be clear from your tone/voice/words/facial expressions/body language that you are/were grateful.
Just like the auditor we talked about earlier, there shouldn’t be any doubt that you indeed appreciate the favour that was done to you.

If you claim to be an upright person, you shouldn’t just be upright in your mind. To really be upright, you’ve gotta be seen as being upright. If not, na for your pocket o.

The next time someone accuses you of not being who you say you are or acting like what you claim to be, before you go ‘ah ahn’, pause and think about it.

Are you really though? Cuz if it’s just ‘in your mind’, you’re not o.

Act right.

***********
Election post coming up. I think. Maybe. If I’m not too weakened by the results. Lol

Enemies!

This week ehnnn! Odikwa somehow shaaa.

First, on Monday my hair got caught in the rain and lost all its fleekness. Your girl went from 100-0 real quick.

My haircut was so awesome people never stopped asking me “what weave is this?” “shey you’ll introduce me to your stylist?” “this has to be my next hair. Do you think it’ll suit me too?” I was constantly blushing from compliments about the hair.

But now, you should see it. Limp and dead. Like them cheapass 500 bucks weaves. Okay fine its not that bad I guess. Its not shiny or spongy so yeah I guess it’s manageable to an extent.

Sigh. All those jealousies that were eyeing me from afar, wishing their hair was as laid as mine would be laughing in swahili now. Evil people. I send them not to go and get their own hair laid on fleek ni? Rubbish.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, brethren my smooth and fine face now has 2 pimples and 2 blackheads or whatever they’re called. You see, I’m so unfamiliar with all this acne terminology cuz it’s never been my struggle. God in his infinite mercy happened to bless me with awesome skin. Lol okay that’s a bit exaggerative. My skin isn’t so awesome but please not having acne and random breakouts has been good enough for me all these years. I mean, I don’t even need foundation or concealer to look sensible.

Perhaps now you can understand the gravity of my predicament. 2 annoying ass pimples popping out of my face! And as these enemies would have it, the one on my forehead is an inch away from where the bangs of my haircut start. Like warrahell??!! Bad enough I have a painful pimple, now my hair won’t even cover the damn thing.
The other is also quite conspicuous on my left cheek( where my bangs can’t reach). Sigh.

Last but not in any way the least of my issues this week- my nails! They have never been more tacky-looking i tell you. I mean, they didnt even get a chance to look good tbh. The day i got them done,I got home, hit the doorbell and my sister goes “Use your key!”. After rummaging through my handbag for my keys, i smeared about 4 of the nails on my right hand.

The main issue however is this damn nail art that has decided to embarrass me. My girl warned me about them but as usual, i didnt listen. What started off as a gold and black animal print inspired nail is now a horrid mess of black, white and gold patches. Its truly the tackiest nail ever.

I was gonna vex and take it all out o, but i decided to just chill. I mean, all the time, energy and money i invested in em shouldnt just jona like that naa. Sigh.

They sha wan spoil my fine girl in this lagos.

Well, Eyin evil people, enemies, ill-wishers and co, you may have won the battle against my self esteem this week, but I refuse to let you win the war!!!! *wails*

An open letter to my baby sister

Hi girl. I can guarantee that you’re going to roll the hell outta your eyes at several parts of this letter. But I care not. You gotta know these things.

So ever since our last skype conversation where I spotted a young male behind you in your dorm room,my nigga i’ve been so tense. There hasn’t been a day that’s passed without me worrying about it.
You see, boys are very dangerous, to say the least. As cliché as that may sound, my dear it is the bare truth.  

I agree that there are more than a few honest, kind, well brought-up males with hearts of gold around  but the problem is, how can you tell who’s who? You think you can read someone by the curve of their smile or the nice words that spew out of their sugar-coated tongues?

Trust me, there’s always always more than meets the eye. Even if you’re Nancy Drew + the FBI and even the CIA, chances of you snooping around and finding all that there is to a person are slim.
I mean, most of the time, the less clues you find, the bigger the psycho the person is.

Especially in America that probably has the largest population of psychos walking the streets as sane citizens whereas they’re really pedophiles, rapists, kidnappers, serial-killers, schizophrenics and the like. 

They all seemed normal to people at some point. Probably had the trust of some people also. 
Girl, be alert. Anyone could be a psycho. Anyonee.

Lord knows how many people walk past us in the street that are suffering from personality disorders. They can’t even control the terrible things they do. 

What i’m tryna say basically is, as a young naive freshman, there’s no place for a boy (you barely know) in your dorm room. 

College boys are mostly under the influence of something. Could be drugs, could be alcohol. Anything could trigger irrational behaviour and bad things follow.

Check out the following and see how acquaintance rape is a real thing. I mean, fathers rape their daughters, brothers rape their sister’s, uncles rape their nieces, homeboys rape their homegirls. Its been happening and will probably continue to.

“Stranger rape of college students is less common than acquaintance rape. Ninety percent of college women who are victims of rape or attempted rape know their assailant.The attacker is usually a classmate, friend, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, or other acquaintance (in that order).Most acquaintance rapes do not occur on dates; rather they occur when two people are otherwise in the same place (e.g., at a party, studying together in a dorm room). ”  

– http://www.popcenter.org/problems/rape/

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PG7gKKzNP88

That’s why as a young girl you need to set the pace for yourself, for your circle of influence. Set a standard that would become the norm:
Stay woke! Be alert! Urge every girl to be.
Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t overlook shit.
Afterall, your body is a prized possession of Lord Jesus; it shouldn’t be a plaything treated with no reverence. 

Don’t give any psycho the chance to ruin you. Be proactive. When a nigger tries to hang out in your room when you’re all alone, say no! Come up with whatsoever excuse, just don’t let it happen.

When he tries to lure you to secluded parts of campus, wake up sweetie!- don’t go! If he’s driving, get out of the damn car at the first chance you get once you smell a rat.

You gotta understand what I’m tryna do here yo. Not tryna scare you, not tryna insinuate that you can’t take care of yourself. Not at all.
Child, all I’m saying is, be extra cautious. For the love of God!

Thanks and God bless.

Ps: I love you.